I wonder

I wonder sometimes how many times your lips

have carved out my name into the hanging silence; 

For mine have done yours on countless occasions.

A mute mouth, or perhaps a breathless whisper

marveling at how this cluster of syllables

can hold such emotion.

A feather-light flutter, or perhaps a burdening weight

touching a spot deep within your being.

as long as I'm with you

I could climb mountains that scrape the heavens
as long as I'm with you.
I could surface from hell-fire
as long as I'm with you.
I could beam through a bitter day
as long as I'm with you.
I could tread any current,
chaff any tribulation,
battle any demon,
as long as I'm with you.

But flame tinted leaves flutter down
around a porcelain butterfly urn,
and the battle's half lost.
Crumbling battlements
and withering standards
ebb into the stifling winds.

The Almost Ghost

Note: I was originally never going to publish this, but a change in situation allows me to. Thanks, but no thanks.

I think I saw you that night
when you were supposed to be
across the city
in your hospital bed
when I stood glaring at that spot,
now tidily replaced by clean sheets
without a wrinkle or muss,
where you decided you didn't belong anymore,
battling both my anger
and my guilt of having it.

You did not move;
I swear;
the longer I stared,
the more blurry you appeared
-however infinitesimally-

As the days dragged along,
bringing prospects of recovery
and healing,
your white shadow watched over me;
however powerless it was to help or harm.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

However, any chance of healing was
violently snatched away
by an unopened pill case
and a very
very
long red scarf.

I watched through drowning eyes
after the world shattered;
your almost ghost
flickered and faded
and now you can be whole
someplace else.

Taiko Drums

For three minutes today
I relinquished control of my heartbeats,
allowing the rhythmic pounding of
wood onto animal hide
to resonate through my whole being,
from rapt eyelash-tips
to tightly furled toes,
lightly knocking me out of breath
with each anticipated beat.

School Observations

As many Bay-Area-Californians out there know, it has rained this afternoon, which is a welcome relief from the past few days of parched lips and numbly frozen fingers.

We have been working on an essay in English today analyzing a poem this week, so our teacher kindly allotted us time in class to work on them.

So, put yourself in mind of these two factors and read on, dear reader:

raindrops patter tinnily on the parched roof

inside, inspired fingers scatter spindly words across illuminated monitors

oops ._.

It has recently come to my attention that the majority of my writing is highly angsty and depressing; however, I feel obligated to assure you all that I am not generally this "emo" in real life. This blog is mostly just an outlet for my creative (and yes, dark) energy to illuminate (or darken) your screen. Also, most of my writing just pops up in my head, and is not really in any way related to myself. To be honest, my poems scare even myself sometimes. Because I pour all my negativity and scary thoughts here, I have more time to be the bright ball of energy I usually am. :D

Just think of this blog as a small window into the infinite realms of my mind. :)

dolor, doloris m.

It hurt so much she could not see through the shimmering veil of tears.

It hurt so much she could not move with her frozen yet trembling body.

It hurt so much she could not breathe with her shrunken lungs.

It hurt so much she could not live with her perpetually broken soul.